At Peace With Packaging

After a lot of experimentation over the last year that included messy stamp pads, wasteful tissue paper and decorative salvaged buttons, I've finally decided on a packaging repertoire for the shop that meets all four of my basic needs:

1) Eco-Friendly ~ No excessive packaging or permanent branding that prevents re-use of the box and bag (Note: If anyone knows where to get biodegradable plastic apparel bags, do tell! The thought of my shipping supplies swirling about a desolate part of the Pacific Ocean for centuries keeps me up at night...for a few minutes, at least.)

2) Suitably Protective ~ Preserves items against damage resulting from rain/moisture and rough handling in transit

3) Inexpensive ~ Permits me to keep shipping and handling costs down without resort to dumpster diving

4) Professional ~ cleanly branded and consistent with that of most major retailers (who ship goods, not gifts)

Ingredients: twine (practically free, East Bay Creative ReUse), USPS Priority Mail boxes (free) or white plastic bubble mailers for smaller items (wholesale), plastic apparel bags (wholesale), shipping tape (wholesale), mini safety pins (wholesale), click 'n ship adhesive labels (wholesale), Moo hang tags (retail)

VOILA!

Not Gifted

Scene at the post office today:

ME: Man! You guys are pretty busy for a Tuesday. Folks must be returning Christmas gifts, eh?

USPS CLERK (with seriousness befitting a funeral director): No, you cannot return gifts here. This is the post office.

ME: M'kay. Thanks.

Anatomy Of A Post Office Visit

10:13 a.m.: arrive at 'better' neighborhood post office; note circuitous Soviet-style breadline snaking out of main lobby and into parking lot

10:14 a.m.: issue knowing, half-smile to woman immediately ahead; pray she doesn't want to talk; prepare self to convincingly say 'Sorry, my English ist ganz schlecht' in best German accent

10:18 a.m.: check watch; curse post office

10:22 a.m.: inhale deeply; resist urge to vomit from smell of Ax Body Spray suddenly filling room

10:25 a.m.: re-check tape-job, return address labels, customs forms, and delivery confirmation tags; quickly make edits before someone sees pen and/or tape

10:26 a.m.: begin uncontrollably tapping foot; accidentally walk into woman ahead while dreaming up Halloween costumes for dog

10:27 a.m.: spy teller windows for first time; note that 4 of 6 windows unmanned; curse post office; remind self that privatization of social services runs counters to ideals

10:28 a.m.: observe as man with blue tooth ear clip approaches window, flips envelope at teller and smugly proclaims, "I don't need insurance. Just make sure it gets there"; roll eyes at no one in particular

10:33 a.m.: curse self for not investing in USPS scale with postage printer thing yet

10:35 a.m.: consider alternate transportation options in the event that hastily-locked bike has been stolen

10:38 a.m.: icily stare at woman with untaped, unaddressed priority mail box; bet self $20 she needs it overnighted to an APO in Tehran

10:42 a.m.: win bet, lose shit

10:45 a.m.: finally approach window; request that largest package be shipped parcel; explain to teller what 'parcel' is; condescendingly explain why contents cannot 'just be put into a medium flat rate box'

10:49 a.m.: quickly ascend from 9th circle of hell; repress experience; repeat in three days' time