Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Anatomy Of A Post Office Visit


10:13 a.m.: arrive at 'better' neighborhood post office; note circuitous Soviet-style breadline snaking out of main lobby and into parking lot

10:14 a.m.: issue knowing, half-smile to woman immediately ahead; pray she doesn't want to talk; prepare self to convincingly say 'Sorry, my English ist ganz schlecht' in best German accent

10:18 a.m.: check watch; curse post office

10:22 a.m.: inhale deeply; resist urge to vomit from smell of Ax Body Spray suddenly filling room

10:25 a.m.: re-check tape-job, return address labels, customs forms, and delivery confirmation tags; quickly make edits before someone sees pen and/or tape

10:26 a.m.: begin uncontrollably tapping foot; accidentally walk into woman ahead while dreaming up Halloween costumes for dog

10:27 a.m.: spy teller windows for first time; note that 4 of 6 windows unmanned; curse post office; remind self that privatization of social services runs counters to ideals

10:28 a.m.: observe as man with blue tooth ear clip approaches window, flips envelope at teller and smugly proclaims, "I don't need insurance. Just make sure it gets there"; roll eyes at no one in particular

10:33 a.m.: curse self for not investing in USPS scale with postage printer thing yet

10:35 a.m.: consider alternate transportation options in the event that hastily-locked bike has been stolen

10:38 a.m.: icily stare at woman with untaped, unaddressed priority mail box; bet self $20 she needs it overnighted to an APO in Tehran

10:42 a.m.: win bet, lose shit

10:45 a.m.: finally approach window; request that largest package be shipped parcel; explain to teller what 'parcel' is; condescendingly explain why contents cannot 'just be put into a medium flat rate box'

10:49 a.m.: quickly ascend from 9th circle of hell; repress experience; repeat in three days' time


Karen/Small Earth Vintage said...

oh god. you need a postal scale and to print your shipping at home! then maybe you can just drop it off at the counter a la bluetooth guy. ;)

Anonymous said...

See the devastating effect of public options on private industry? Whether it's Blue Cross or Fed Ex, American free enterprise cannot withstand the power of state run businesses. - Peter Schaefer

jarsika said...

I just do flat rate priority shipping. Free boxes and envelopes.... not weighing necessary. Check it out! MY brother told me about it, he works for USPS. Let me know if you have any questions. I just drop my stuff off at work and voila!



Ms. B said...

Yep, I totally understand. That's why the hubby gets sent off to the post office with all of the Etsy packages after he comes home for lunch. The post office brings my inner demon out ;)

alexkeller said...

the flat rate boxes are quite nice and i use mostly paypal. but for interntaional, i've hated going to the post office. here's a post you might find helpful - i'm going to give the international app a try next time!

St├ęphanie said...

I understand you !

Anonymous said...

only 36 minutes? your post office must be faster than mine. and karen is right - you need a postal scale!

Paige said...

There's this one postal worker at my post office, whom I swear, makes it her personal bussiness to ruin my day. :/

The things you do for etsy, ha.

Midwest Darling

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