Friday, December 10, 2010

Breaking News: Shakira Can't Dance


shakira bad dancer

We kind of secretly like Shakira's "She Wolf" (it sounds like a Hercules and Love Affair jam, OKAY?!!), but we'd never seen the video--or any Shakira video, really--until last night. Though we quickly moved past the fact that she's dancing in a big sparkly vagina that exists just beyond her gracious walk-in closet (why not?) in a cheap, 1970s do-me leotard (sowhatwhocares?), we couldn't really wrap our minds around the dancing. What the hell is going on there? Are none of her handlers willing to tell her that she looks like Celine Dion in a private dance-off with herself?

13 comments:

Tiny Dancer Clothing said...

LOL wtf, and all of that was going on while her boyfriend was calmly sleeping through the night

Huzzah! Vintage said...

he's probably been to Club Sparkly Vagina enough to prefer a good night's rest.

blouse said...

omg. that is something. it took me till like half way through to realize she wasn't naked!

love the sparkling vagina! hahaha!!!

but lets be real: who doesn't want that hair!

xo~jane

P U R P L E - D E E R said...

Yeah I didn't get the sparkly vagina cave either...And G...You shock me...You really like this song...You should have just asked for a mixed CD is your exploring new sounds. ;)

Mother Midnight Vintage said...

1st.) of all, is she trying to say "misanthropy" in that first verse? if not, i am very confused.

2nd.) i am still very confused.

3rd.) that is obviously a small intestine Gina, get yer facts straight. ;)

4th.) cut her some slack... shit doesn't get REAL BAD until Pebbles decides to Bam-Bam all over the roof.

5th.) ugh.

Huzzah! Vintage said...

@Mother Midnight Vintage

at first I was like, "What?! Lower intestine makes NO sense in the context of the song." But then I started thinking about it, and now I believe you might be right:

Shakira sings about "feeding your hungry [sic]," so perhaps she is supposed to represent a sexy disco nugget working her way through the lower GI tract? (That would also explain the fall [into the symbolic toilet] at the end.)

archives said...

my god. ive never seen a shakira video, but i thought that she was supposed to be able to dance, that was her gimmick?

also, girl CANNOT sing! she's worse than jewel!

alexkeller said...

i had no idea! i, too, thought she could dance - NOT! she is flexible, though

Amanda / Rust Belt Threads said...

did she just say she feels abused like a coffee machine in an office?

forget the cave, what is going on on the roof?!

rebecca said...

I am probably not her target audience since I am not an 18 year old boy. But since I try to find something of use, even in the truly awful, I did think that perhaps I could add one of those moves to my yoga routine. I'll let you know if I dislocate a rib... at best I'll probably just get the hiccups. Probably happens to her all the time.

vintageshaun said...

I watched the MTV making of the video and I remeber the set design talking about the pink cave. It does look like a vajayjay. The video scared me very much so, but I love singing the song!

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La Fille D'or said...

"Shakira sings about "feeding your hungry [sic]," so perhaps she is supposed to represent a sexy disco nugget working her way through the lower GI tract? (That would also explain the fall [into the symbolic toilet] at the end.)"

This whole post has me cracking up- I'm at the office and was slyly looking at blogs - until this one of course.

Kendi Lea said...

Okay so maybe she can't dance, but damn can she write lyrics.