Pictured Above: The most beloved (and yet curiously unsold) item in my shop according to Heart-O-Matic
Today the unthinkable happened at my fantastic neighborhood charity thrift shop.
I WAS ASKED IF I'D LIKE TO LOOK THROUGH THE RACKS AND BOXES OF CLOTHING IN THE RECEIVING ROOM.
"Sure," I said, trying to look cool but feeling, in reality, like I'd just been offered an exclusive ticket to the moon.
I looked around and quickly found a box containing what appeared to be the estate clothing of a wealthy woman with exceptional taste. I selected a few pieces and gathered together my finds in order to make my way to the cashier. Then something even more glorious happened.
I WAS ASKED WHAT I WANTED TO PAY FOR THESE ITEMS.
This stressed me out a bit since I don't particularly like to haggle at charity shops, so I offered slightly less than what I was accustomed to paying for similar artifacts in the store (thinking that perhaps the volunteers might like to liven up the workroom with an impromptu game of Let's Make A Deal). To my surprise, however, each of my offers was greeted not with protest but delight. Then something even more splendid happened.
I WAS TOLD TO "JUST TAKE A FEW THINGS" (LIKE A CORSET BRA SLIP WITH A METAL ZIPPER).
Now I can't help but wonder which of my other many dreams might soon come true. (That's right, Paul Rudd. I'm looking at you.)